“I guess it’s the other part of me that does it”

We’re the proud and extremely lucky parents of the most amazing son.  What makes him so special is that he was born with the wonderful gifts of autism and what is referred to as ‘intellectual disability’.

Among the many amazing phenomena that Andrew (not his real name) has brought into our lives is that he cannot lie.  He has no guile whatsoever.  The only circumstance in which he can ‘deceive’ us is when he decides to play a practical joke.  It’s a good thing – and an astounding one considering the skill he has at this – that he can’t lie outside that because he is masterful at keeping straight-faced while setting us up for the comic come-down – always accompanied by a hyper-gleeful ‘fooled-ya!’  Otherwise he is extremely uncomfortable about lying of any sort and will agonise for days, for example, over not being able to tell his friend that he didn’t really like the present he got from him because pretending that he does is, well, a lie.  We suspect that he has secretly laid it on the line for a couple of them anyway.  It can get sweaty when we’re on a bus and a nice man with a completely bald head or maybe a very large tum begins to chat to him.  It’s only a matter of time before the person will be asked about hair loss or whether he has been eating too much chocolate.  (These are actual examples – just two from among countless thousands that have had us wishing a hole would open up in the ground and swallow us away to somewhere else.)

A couple of weeks ago I had an exchange with Andrew that ran like this:

“Andrew!!! Did you eat the entire packet of cakes I put in the cupboard yesterday!”

(Without looking away from his computer) “Yes I did.  They were delicious Mum.”

And there was the apple-slogging incident from last autumn when Andrew and his friend Vic showed up with a large bag of eaters.

Andrew: (Feet turned inward, body writhing in obvious discomfort, face red as a beetroot, eye-lids half closed and the sheepiest grin you ever saw on anyone’s face.)

“Mrs O’ Reilly gave us these apples Mum???”

“That was very kind of her.”

“Did I say it right, Vic?”

Vic turns a whiter shade of pale.

Andrew’s friends are understandably terrified of him – he has innocently drawn down storm force gales of parental wrath on them all.  I once met him on my way to the shop loping about by himself on a space on our estate known as ‘The Green’.

“Where’s the crew, Andrew?”

“They told me to wait here for a bit because they don’t want me to know what they’re doing in case I get them into trouble.”

I wondered if I should maybe alert the authorities or some parents or something but decided instead not to have heard what he said.  They’re all still alive and healthy, thank God.   But I can’t speak for any of their potential or actual victims.

Among the many unusual things about him that we love about Andrew are his love of household utensils as play objects – and his uncontrollable fascination with toiletries of every kind.  Every Christmas day the same plot unfolds: terrific excitement over the new toys in the morning and by mid-afternoon while I’m busy with the turkey, he’ll shoot past with a clothes hanger (a particular favourite) or maybe the garlic crusher (one he chose himself as a present from us), animatedly enacting some exciting game filled with characters and events that are completely sacrosanct.  Whatever world he is in during those solitary games, it’s a place he point blank refuses ever to share the least detail of with us.  Once when buying him some clothes for a special occasion, we were at the check-out counter beside which was a box of hangers discarded from clothes that had been sold.  Andrew carefully picked out two of them and leaned forward to the assistant sagely, confidentially ‘you know, these hangers are very rare’.  Somewhat baffled she made him a present of them.

But it’s the toiletries that are the end point of this narrative.  Andrew’s fascination with them has struck me many times as being almost in the realm of addiction.  We cannot keep a can of shaving foam safe.  EVERY tube of toothpaste ends up squashed out onto the sink and used as a sort of finger-painting exercise on the bathroom sink or mirror or wall – or all three.  After numerous near fatal asphyxiation episodes we have had to abandon ever buying anything that comes in aerosol form.  Toiletries are a world of irresistible, sensory fun for Andrew.

“You PROMISED us you wouldn’t do this again! You’ve got to try harder about this Andrew!!!”

“But I did try harder!  I didn’t do it all afternoon even though I really wanted to.  It was only a little while ago that I did it!”

We’ve had to build into our lives an acceptance of the fact that toiletries are a major expense.  We can’t keep many things under lock and key because it’s so impractical. Last week I went to our bedroom to find what looked like a scene wherein a small bomb had exploded in a pot of bite and sting ointment – all over my dressing table and its mirror.  Let’s just say I didn’t need detectives to work out who was responsible.  Resignedly cleaning the awful, clinging, smeary mess up I resolved not to remonstrate with him.  Nobody who had the least notion that he was up to no good could leave such an obvious trail.

So, a couple of days later while sitting here at this computer, Andrew arrived in looking for Sudocreme (the ointment in question) for a large spot that had formed in the dead-centre middle of his forehead.  A humdinger it was too.

“Well Andrew, I think you know what happened to the Sudocreme?”

“You said it was cream so I put my finger in it to stir it around but it wasn’t like stirring cream, it was very thick and it covered up my whole finger – in fact there was way too much of it for just one finger – in fact it covered up my whole two hands.  It was very hard to wipe it off – nothing worked. I had to get a towel out in the end.  But then I wondered if you might be cross about all that Mum. ”

“Andrew, please, please will you leave the toiletries alone in future?  Once and for all?  It’s an awful nuisance when you do this kind of thing, you know.”

“I always say yes when you ask me that and I mean it but I don’t know what it is.  I stop and stop and stop and then I just have to do it for some reason.  I guess it’s the other part of me that does it.”

Greeting from the Emerald Isle!

Lifering Ireland has great news. A steering committee is now in place. It consists of 9 members with Maggie Ryan as the chairwoman This steering committee is in its infancy but is already tackling major issues such as convener training, expansion in Dublin and hopefully in the remainder of the country.

At the moment the email address (lifering.dublin.irl@gmail.com) is not functioning. This should be resolved by Google in the next few days.

My last official act has been to secure the site for our 6^th Dublin area meeting in the Blanchardstown library. It will commence on Saturday 5 March, 2011 at 1 pm in room 3. This room can only accommodate 15 people which is a great size for a Lifering meeting. However, the room limitation will be inhibiting as this meeting grows. Additional rooms may be available at summer’s start.

The Stanhope meeting will move to 3:30 start time from 2:30 beginning 2 March. Watch for new posters in the Dublin area soon. New meeting schedules will be printed to reflect our growth.

I will no longer be involved in the operation of Lifering Ireland. I am stepping aside so that a fresh team with fresh ideas can take charge of the organization. The last two years since I first decided we needed an alternative to 12 step programs in Ireland has been exciting. I have had the pleasure of meeting and working with many fine people both inside Lifering in Roi/NI and worldwide and in the recovery communities throughout the island.

Please give as much support to the fine members of the new committee. I have full faith that they will facilitate the expansion into new regions. One caution, these members are new at this. Time delays in responding to requests may occur as they willingly learn their new tasks.

Regards with gratitude,

Dennis

The flurry of publicity can only help foster the growth of LifeRing!

Dennis is quoted as saying: “It’s up to each individual to create their own personal recovery plan and the meetings are used as an opportunity to modify that plan, talk to others, and to get and give advice. We believe that the power is within ourselves to control our use of drink, drugs or whatever we are addicted to and it’s our choice whether to use or not to use today.” The story features two very nice pictures, one of Dennis and one of a LifeRing meeting.

Lifering had its first meeting in Northern Ireland on 7^th Sept 2010. Apparently this is also the first UK meeting.  We had the use of the Friends Meeting House , Frederick Street in Belfast. This proved to be an excellent venue.

Dennis S from Dublin kindly came to Belfast and did an excellent introductory presentation followed by a question and answer session. We had 20 attendees and they were an appreciative audience.  We concluded the proceeding with the ubiquitous informal tea, coffee, and cookie session.

Tonight, 14th September,  we had our first regular meeting. 19 people attended. It was an excellent meeting. Gabhn has agreed to be convener and we will split the meeting. It was good to see people who are prepared to use Lifering alongside the 12 Step approach. Yet again, tea, coffee etc afterwards. One unfortunate drawback is the lack of available coffee shops in the immediate area .  To address this problem we will be having informal  gatherings in Starbucks, Lisburn Road,(opposite the City Hospital) every other Sunday afternoon from 1.30 pm onwards. This starts Sunday, 19^th September.

Thanks go to the start up team, Anne, Arthur, Barbara, Dennis, Gabhn, Gerry, Maggie, Seamus, and Warren.

This is a wonderful opportunity for Lifering in Northern Ireland. We have come out of many years of  conflict,and there is an air of peace and reconciliation. Lifering will appeal to the non-denominational cross-community mind set which is slowly bearing fruit. The Belfast meetings will have close links with Dublin instead of the UK simply because its more practical than ideological.  Lifering will be seen as a cross border, peaceful initiative which will make it easier for networking with other community groups. This mindset is the way forward for lasting peace in Ireland, North and South.

So we will gratefully accept all the help we can get. I believe there  are meeting packs available with some books available

Lifering meetings will take place At The Quaker Meeting House, Frederick Street, Belfast on Tuesdays at 8 pm

There will be an introductory presentation on Tuesday 7th September by Dennis S the area convener. This is open to anyone with an interest in recovery.

Regular meetings will start from Tuesday 14th September at 8 pm. If you or a member of your family has substance abuse issues then you are welcome to attend.

Thanks.

LifeRing Ireland is celebrating its first year of existence in August of 2010. We accomplished much during this year period. What was done is extraordinary and much of the credit belongs to the meeting convenors and their tireless efforts.

History:

The first informal meeting was held in the house of Dennis S. on August 4, 2009. There were 5 invited people in attendance. This was the first of three meetings held in Castleknock. The HWYW format was used at all the meetings. This was the culmination of work started by Dennis S in April of 2009. After seeing many people struggling with the only self-help groups available in Ireland, he decided to research alternatives. LifeRing is the most positive of the alternatives. After some discussion with the Oakland Service Center and purchase of the basic books, he decided to go ahead with a meeting startup.

Our first official meeting was held at the Dublin Central Mission on August 25, 2009. Dennis S. was the convenor and there were 8 in attendance. This meeting used the HWYW format and the opening statement and convenor guidelines were in an early development stage. This meeting is a great training ground for convenors. Maggie R. is the current convenor of record.

The second group to start was in St. Patrick’s Hospital. Dennis S was introduced to Dr. Farren by Patrick Maxwell, a therapist at the hospital. Dr. Farren arranged a presentation of LifeRing for his therapeutic staff members. After their positive feedback, he presented LifeRing to the Board of Governors of the Hospital. The first meeting at St. Patrick’s was held on October 1, 2009. It was convened by Dennis S. James McS soon became the co-convenor of this group and now is the lead convenor. Jimmy, the first ex-client, has just started convening within the last month. This meeting started small but now uses two rooms on a weekly basis. It actually exceeded our capacity of 40 people for the first time in July, 2010. The opening and closing statements used at St. Patrick’s are a modification of the statements from Michael W’s group in Canada.

The third group met for the first time on April 7, 2010 at the HSE Stanhope Street Alcohol Treatment Facility. It meets at 2:30 on Wednesday afternoons. Deb D. is the lead convenor at this meeting. She and Dennis S. alternate convening on a weekly basis. Deb. D. just celebrated 7 years sobriety (July 2010). She started convening at Abbey Street before convening at Stanhope. This meeting is very small mainly due to time of day. The attendance is between four and eight people, which is actually a perfect size. The meeting is well worth having as it supports a different community within Dublin City.

The fourth group started at St. John of God Hospital on the 19th of July. The convener that night was Dennis S. Mary and James, convenors at Abbey Street and St Patrick’s were in attendance. Both will be available for co-convening. The first meeting had 17 attendees; seven non-residents and the remainder were clients of the hospital. Great support for this meeting was provided by Dr. O’Gara and David Marshal, a therapist at the hospital.

Maggie R. is the convenor for the new meeting starting on August 4 in Abbey Street. This is the same date, only one year later, from the first meeting in Castleknock at the home of Dennis S. This meeting is necessary as the Tuesday meeting at Abbey Street has at times had more than 20 people wanting to attend. It will also be a late evening meeting, starting at 8 pm.

Welcome to Belfast groups.

Philip H. from Belfast contacted the Dublin Groups about LifeRing and the possibility of bringing it to Belfast, Northern Ireland. Philip had several people interested in starting such a meeting.

Dennis S. had been collecting names of interested people from NI for about 6 months. The first breakthrough came when Arthur McCullough taught a class using Marty’s book “Empowering Your Sober Self”. The class was an evening lecture under the adult education section of Queens University.  Several other people had contacted Dennis S. through the main LifeRing web site. Belfast looks to have a fast start and a bright future.

An initial meeting was held Sunday July 25th in Starbucks on the Lisburn Road. There were 8 people in attendance. The date for an initial presentation on LifeRing will be 7 September with meetings to start 14 September. Meetings will be in the Frederick Street Quaker Meeting House at 8 pm

Philip intends to start a second meeting in a rehabilitation center/hospital. This will provide contact with people new to recovery who may find the LifeRing approach to be a better alternative. Philip H. is following the model successfully used in Dublin: two meetings to start off; one in the community and one in a treatment center.

Convenors are special people.

The convenors are the life blood of our groups. In Dublin, the Abbey Street meeting has been used to develop a group of these special people. To date, Maggie, Maureen, James, Dennis, Deb, Mary and Ann have all started by convening at this meeting. Jimmy has his training and start at St. Pat’s. Without these people, LifeRing Ireland would not exist

Training is a hit-and-miss operation so far. On the Job Training and the How Was Your Week book have been essential. We will develop a more formal training method within the next year.

Philip H from Belfast attended several meetings in Dublin. He will run at least one meeting here in Dublin prior to September. Dennis S. will travel to Belfast to co-facilitate for the first several meetings there to get the Belfast groups up and running.

The Sunset Work Group

A business meeting was held in June for the Dublin groups. Out of this meeting a work group of 5 members was set up. This group is charged with developing a structure for the Dublin groups. It includes Maggie, Tony, James, Ken and Louis. These members are meeting on a weekly basis at the moment to develop a plan for growth in Dublin.

Dennis S, not a member of the work group, wrote a lengthy document on the tasks he performed during this first year. Marty N. and Michael W, from Canada, were asked to review this list of tasks. Michael has graciously agreed to answer questions the group may have. His experience in the recent Canadian formation will be helpful to our group.

2010-2011

Wow! How do we follow this first year? That will depend on the need of the community and vision of members. Need for new groups will come from contacts and outreach. This is a continuing program to establish LifeRing as an alternative recovery group.

Places of interest in the Republic include Cork and Galway. Cork has an extension of St. Patrick’s Hospital. The therapist has interest in starting LifeRing there. Expansion in the north will proceed as their groups evolve.

Publicity and outreach is an area that needs to be strengthened. With a few more trained convenors, further growth is possible. Use of major newspapers and broadcasting for outreach now becomes a possibility with a core of 5 established meetings.

A more formalized approach to convenor training will be created. Dennis S. attended a one day facilitator training done by AWARE, Ireland. He came away with a wealth of ideas for use in LifeRing. We have several ex-teachers and trainers amongst our membership who can offer assistance in this development.

The Sunset Group will have a major impact on the Dublin groups. It will be a force for consolidating, unifying, and strengthening our organization.

These continue to be exciting times in “LifeRing – All Ireland”.

NOTE:  There will be a “LifeRing New Year’s Eve Party” 24th August at the Mission at 7:30 pm.

St John of God Hospital on Stillorgan Road, County Dublin has
given approval for a new meeting. It will begin on Monday 19th July at 7:30 pm.
The room is Group Room C (directions to follow). More information about the hospital can be found at http://www.stjohnofgodhospital.ie/about-us.html.

The staff, consultant and administration of the hospital have been very enthusiastic about bring alternative self-help methods into their facility. On the 14th, LifeRing will be presented to the clients for the first time. A 17 slide PowerPoint presentation that I developed for use in Pittsburgh, PA will form the basis of the talk. All of our books and brochures will be available at this presentation.

This is the fourth LifeRing meeting in Ireland since August 2009. The first
meetings took place in my house for three weeks before moving to our location on
Abbey Street in the Dublin Central Mission.

Who’ed a thunk it! From a little acorn….

Dennis S.