Tag Archives: keepers

Our Drinking Relationship: A Long Convoluted Story

By Bonnie L.

I have been sober for almost 6 months.  My SO drinks and uses. Our relationship has always been affected by drugs and alcohol. We met in a bar. For the first 10 years I don’t think we ever had sex sober! It defined our social activities, our circle of friends, how we communicated to each other and how we resolved (or attempted to resolve) our interpersonal problems and relationship/family issues. Alcohol was either the basis of our problems or how we dealt with a problem. We have been together for 16 years.

I started getting sober about 5 years ago. I now have almost 6 months. What I have discovered these past 5 years as I went through many relapses was how much my drinking patterns influenced his drinking/using patterns. We tried to outdo each other it seemed. But, when I’m not drinking, his drinking diminishes so much, I wonder if he even has a problem sometimes (I know he does though).

The first time I quit – I did so for 2 years via AA. I was convinced (thanks to my sponsor and other supportive (?) people in AA that if K. didn’t also quit our relationship was doomed. I was told that I needed to go to Al-Anon as well as AA (yikes!!).  I agonized over it, I pleaded with him to come to AA, I threatened him that I would have to leave – all the time crying inside because he is my best friend, and I didn’t want him out of my life.

This time around, my sobriety feels different. I don’t want to dictate to anyone else how they should handle their addiction/problems nor do I want to lay down expectations around when/if alcohol will be allowed in the house. Now, having said that, it’s a struggle – Hell, I’m no saint, I get really annoyed if he has been drinking and absolutely intolerant if he can’t carry on a conversation with me. But I quit ranting and raving (well, most of the time) about it and now I simply tell him he can’t talk properly nor is he making sense and walk away. That has more influence on him than any of my previous pleading, threats, etc.

So, in many ways, it is easier this time around. Because I have changed — not him. My attitude has changed.

I sincerely hope that K. will also quit and, I kinda think he will, but not because of any rule or threat from me. Anyway, that’s my long, convoluted story about drinking and relationships. Now it is time to get out into that beautiful sunshine – what a glorious spring day it is!!

Posted 4/17/99

Out of Town In a Motel

By Joe B.

Hi all, I just went through the out-of-town-stay-in-a-motel thing for work.  My boss and I went out for dinner and I had Coke while he polished off at least 6 Corbin’s and water. It’s a new job (3 weeks) and I’ve mentioned it several times when the conversation got to drinking that I haven’t done that in 10 months now.

No big deal when we went for cocktails beforehand, he ordered his and said ‘You don’t drink, do you?’ to me as I ordered my Coke. “Not anymore” was all I could think of, but it must have been enough to get the message across because it never entered the conversation again.

On the way to find the hotel after our customer call was done and he was mentioning having a few drinks someplace and then getting something to drink, I had the strongest urge to just have a few I have ever had in a long long time. ‘What the heck, we’re out of town, no one will ever know, etc.’ was raging through my head.

Then when I got my room there was this nice little 2-glass complimentary bottle of Gallo sitting there. I thought about drinking it for a while, then changed my mind and decided to steal it instead and show my girlfriend what a hellian I am! I gave it to her, it fit nicely almost to the top of a large wine tumbler and she drank half and left the rest sitting there!

I don’t believe I have ever done that in my life, if it’s opened it needs drank, right? Instead it got poured out the next morning and I felt a tiny satisfaction that I’d passed some sort of test again.

I’ll be on the road a lot in this new job, so I’m so glad I was able to fight off that initial intense urge to just go ahead and have a few with the boss since we are outta town.

Setting that precedent right off the bat will make it easier for the next time I’m sitting in a hotel room looking at the wine or 50 mls of booze with no one to know but myself.

Another point that went through my head was that if I did drink a few I’d have a hard time telling you all about it, and I have enough going through my head with the new job to have to worry about anything new.

Posted 4/17/99

How Far I Have Come

By Sy S.

Hi to everyone! I was three on Friday!! I would have written then, but the mail server I subscribe to went down. I have had my ups and downs, but my quality of life has changed out of all proportion!!!

I still WELCOME each new day, gone is the dread that each new day brought with it when I was drinking, no more sky about to fall on my head, no more DT’s, and those rats tails I kept seeing everywhere (you know the ones!).

No more of that little man hitting me over the head with a lump hammer each morning. No more hiding away, no sitting in out-of-the way places to drink alone, no more of looking at other people and wondering if I could lead a normal life.

I never thought I’d make it, but life does not stop, it carries on.

Hang in there, don’t ever take your eyes off of that Priority: Keep Sober.

Nothing is ever worth going back to that dark lonely landscape, littered with the tortured corpses of millions who didn’t make it. I see the horizon, but I don’t aim for it, I enjoy the landscape around me, I walk my path, there are days when I can look back and see a clear view, and see how far I have come…

Posted 3/27/99

The best thing that happened

By Joy H.

There are forces out there messing with me big time…

Yesterday, started off morning bad with various little things — I woke up with a stiff neck (rare for me), got an electrical shock on the way to work, got to work to process month-end and all the copy machines broke on me, one at a time.

Then found out IRS decided to seize my refund this year because of two ex husband’s returns.

At lunch I got a phone call from the Police Dept that my 17- yr. old son was picked up for truancy (missed 13 days of school) and he had marijuana on him (he’s living with his father right now).

Then, when leaving police dep’t., my car died. Had $60 in bank, thank goodness only a battery, so had enough to cover it.

Then I get home to find a letter in the mail stating I owe a finance company $12,583 for a voluntary repo on a vehicle last year.

When I went to turn in to bed, went to bathroom and it was the coup de grace, perfect end to perfect day – NO toilet paper!

Not sure exactly what kept me from falling off the wagon, but that was the best thing that happened to me yesterday. I didn’t drink.

But frankly, don’t know how much more I can take. So for all of us, when we have bad days, just remember to tap that inner strength and DON’T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT!

Posted 3/2/99

Two Things I’ve Learned

By Jennifer S.

<If you wait around until you “feel better” better before you stop drinking, you are probably going to have a long, painful wait. – R.>

Very true. I wasted two years waiting to “feel better.” I thought if I just waited until my marriage was better, until we had money, until I got the house organized, until the kids started school and I could go back to work……etc. I thought that then, I wouldn’t have to drink. When my life was perfect I wouldn’t *need* to drink.

I’ve learned two things about this:

1. Life is not now, and will never be, “perfect.”

2. Quitting drinking IS what makes you feel better.

Amazingly enough <g> after the alcohol was gone from my life, so were many of the problems I was drinking over.