No, No, I Don’t! Cancel That!

by Alice I.

My husband, daughter and I arrived in Ft. Myers FL on Saturday at 3:30 PM. After 20 minutes in the car with my parents I knew that there was no way I would make it through these 5 days with no alcohol. I decided to throw in the towel and start all over upon arrival home.

We went to their house where dad announced to me that he had gotten me beer, it was in the fridge. (This was no big deal, I knew there would be alcohol everywhere. I had not told them that I had stopped drinking, they never really cared when I had before). I avoided the lurking fridge-dwellers for the time until we left for dinner.

At dinner my father asked, “Alice, you want a beer?” I quickly and confidently replied “yes.” The look my husband shot me was like cold water in my face. Immediately I thought “No! no I don’t! Cancel that!” I said nothing. The Miller Lite (my water-beer of choice) arrived as requested. It loomed there before me. By now I knew this was wrong. I REALLY did not want it.

I poured about half into the chilled glass. Waited. Took a sip. It tasted good. I took another. It did not taste good. I guzzled the glass of water and asked for more water. I ended up nursing that beer until half of it was gone. By that time I had had seven 10 ounce glasses of water. I had no buzz (imagine that).  I had to pee twice, though.

I never got “high,” never wanted to finish the last half of the beer. I did not have another drink for the entire trip and I do not want or need a drink now. Instead, for the next 72 hours I was never caught without a glass of water in my hand. I was asked again if I wanted beer, but declined. MUCH TO THE CHAGRIN OF MY VERY ALCOHOLIC FATHER! BOY WAS HE MAD! I guess he prefers me drunk when he is drunk….which is always.

I am trying not to look on this as a failure, but as a stepping stone. My parents drank in front of me and were pretty blasted the whole time I was there. This is not new, but SEEING it through CLEAR eyes was. It was horrible. Not the sobriety, but to see people do that to themselves. My parents and I have never been close (although they like to think we are). I almost threw in the towel. But I have come so far, I won’t give up now.

Alice I.