Thursday was Thanksgiving and my first real dinner party since beginning recovery. We’ve hosted parties for up to 20 people in a 400 square foot diving (dining/living) room, but yesterday was exclusively for besties and their loved ones.
This year, my friend’s husband came to our house drunk. Not quite passing-out drunk, but a little too animated for such a small space, which totally shattered our long-standing, hard-and-fast party rule: Don’t come drunk.
Annoying? You betcha. But it got me thinking. How many times did I imagine myself “the life of the party” when, in fact, I was the object of ridicule? How many party fouls did my friends forgive when I was too animated for any space? Time to pay it forward and forgive.
We are at the front end of the newly popularized “Season of Giving.” We give thanks. We give gifts. We give love and joy and (at least virtual) togetherness. The Season of Giving vs. Tax Season. Now that’s an easy choice!
But in giving there is also receiving. And for all the good you do, all the times you graciously decline a drink, all the presence and participation you bring, and for all the crooked smiles you offer a spirited friend – you should also give yourself a little credit.
Being kind to others is nice. Being kind to yourself is a gift. Accept it. Try it on and see how it feels. Check the mirror. Looks good on you, doesn’t it? Yeah, it does.
So drape yourself in forgiveness, and go forth into the holiday madness. Or stay at home and sit by the fire with a scorching hot mug of I Got This.
Thanks for your personal story about forgiveness. We forgive others for everyone’s sake. Resentment is a threat to sobriety and it feels terrible. We have not had friends over since Covid and we have lost two close relatives to the disease, my husband’s father and his brother. This pandemic has made sobriety hard for so many who are alone and cannot attend in person meetings. Perhaps your friend will notice that you are happier and healthier since you stopped drinking and ask you about it someday. Happy Holidays!
I really enjoy the life ring meetings and I will be there this evening at 6.45Roly FitzGerald
I really enjoy the life ringmeetings thank you
I really enjoy the life ring meetings
Thank you. Forgiving oneself is great advice and amazing way to keep moving forward.
Very well said and a healthy reminder to forgive and forgive yourself too.