What Makes Me Want To Stay Sober?
By Kathy B.
[Responding to Lynda’s question why sobriety is better than drinking]
What makes me want to stay sober? It’s a great question. First, I’d have to say I never want to fall down on the pavement at 2AM and not remember what happened. Or … being followed by some stranger in the wee hours of the morning and not realize the danger. Or … risking a marriage because my husband has had to drag my amnesiac drunk body into the house for the umpteenth time.
What does it take? I enjoy waking up without my hands shaking in the morning, feeling wired to the gills because I need my dose of downer.
I enjoy the freedom I have found without the constant self-hatred.
I love the pride on my son’s face when he talks about his sober alcoholic mother.
I love being able to dedicate myself to my work for the time that I am there and to be able to give of myself because I have something left to give.
I love sleeping at night without waking at 3AM feeling all nervous inside because my central nervous system is on overdrive and wondering how I’m going to make it the next fifteen or so hours without the help of the bottle which has now become my best friend in my mind but my worst enemy in reality.
I love being able to make a promise and keep it. And I love being able to sit still and at the same time feel at peace.
I certainly could go on because there are so many other reasons. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to write down a list of reasons why you want to stay sober vs. reasons why you want to drink.
Despite all that, whatever you decide is more worthwhile, your drinking will get more and more out of control, you will do more things that you regret having done and in the end, if you are like so many of us, you will die of your disease in a state of impoverishment not just of money but of intimacy and dignity. Sobriety sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?
Kathy in Nashville