“Why I Can’t Drink”
One of the hardest things in recovery is simply to remember how bad life was when drinking. Time passes and the painful memories become blurred and they disconnect themselves from the act that brought them about. In a recent note, an e-mail pal sent me a list she had made of why she can’t drink. She wants to remember. I thought I’d share it:
I cannot drink like other people
Once I start I cannot stop until the bottle is empty no matter how drunk I am
Drinking makes me do things destructive and dangerous like drunk driving
I have serious blackouts and cant remember putting kids to bed or what I did, who I spoke to, even what I ate.
I am incapable the next morning of functioning normally
I lose the power to achieve anything unless I can drink thru it
I emotionally neglect my children
I wake up thinking “how little can I get away with doing today”
Drinking makes me depressed, irritable, anxious, scared, paranoid and very guilty…those feelings make me want to drink more
I embarrass my self in front of friends, family and my husband’s work colleagues and even worse my children.
Drinking makes me bloated, tired and unattractive; I eat badly and smoke too much
I lose interest in all the things i used to enjoy and stop growing as a person
I am incapable of forming friendships for fear of being found out so I isolate myself
I am increasing my risk of cancer and heart disease by drinking
I know from the bottom of my very soul that if I carry on drinking I will die very soon.
Fear of dying drunk is an issue I would like to avoid for my son.
Good comment on why returning to the old life would be a disaster.
May I just add that in my own words, now I feel trusted and cherished by people,
now I feel in charge of my own destiny (as much as is possible), now I can go with the ebb and flow of life’s circumstances, now I trust my own judgement on events and people, and follow my own instincts in life, and now I feel I have a bright future ahead of me.